One of the most common questions couples ask me is:

"How can we include someone we've lost in our wedding ceremony?"

Whether it's a parent, grandparent, sibling or dear friend, it's completely natural to wish they could be there to celebrate with you.

A wedding is one of life's biggest milestones, and when someone important is missing, their absence can feel even more profound.

The beautiful thing is that there are many thoughtful ways to honour their memory without the ceremony becoming about loss.



There's No Right or Wrong Way

Every family experiences grief differently.

Some couples choose a quiet, subtle tribute.

Others prefer to speak openly about the person they're remembering.

The most important thing is choosing something that feels genuine to you.

Your wedding should still be a celebration of your future together, while making space to acknowledge the people who helped shape your journey.

Gentle Ways to Remember Someone Special

Over the years, I've seen couples honour loved ones in many beautiful ways, including:

• Carrying a photo charm on a bouquet.
• Leaving a chair reserved with a small sign or flower.
• Displaying photographs at the ceremony or reception.
• Lighting a candle before the ceremony begins.
• Wearing a piece of jewellery that belonged to a loved one.
• Including a favourite reading, saying or family tradition.
• Mentioning them during speeches rather than the ceremony.
• Playing a song that holds special meaning.

Sometimes the smallest gestures carry the greatest emotion.

Finding the Right Balance

One wedding has stayed with me for many years.

Just days before the ceremony, the bride unexpectedly lost her father.

With family and friends travelling from interstate and overseas, she made the incredibly difficult decision to continue with the wedding.

Together, we chose a simple candle ceremony.

As she walked down the aisle, a candle was lit in her father's memory. It remained burning throughout the ceremony and continued to glow during the reception.

It wasn't the focus of the day.

It didn't overshadow the celebration.

It simply acknowledged someone who should have been there.

That quiet flame became a gentle reminder that love doesn't disappear simply because someone is no longer physically present.

Preparing Your Family

If you're planning to include a tribute during your ceremony, it can be helpful to let close family members know beforehand.

A gentle conversation means loved ones aren't caught off guard emotionally during the ceremony and can instead experience the tribute as the meaningful gesture it was intended to be.

Your Wedding Can Hold Both Celebration and Love

One of the biggest concerns couples share is whether acknowledging someone they've lost will make the ceremony feel sad.

In my experience, the opposite is often true.

Done thoughtfully, these moments bring comfort rather than sorrow.

They remind everyone that love continues across generations.

Your wedding can absolutely hold both happiness and remembrance.

There is room for laughter, celebration and happy tears, while still honouring those who helped shape your story.

Because although they may not be standing beside you, they'll always be part of your journey.